I have a confession to make…

Every post that I’ve shared on Girl, Same are actually old posts from my social media pages. I wasn’t trying to be lazy or cop out, but they had each been important messages to me that I wanted to share on this platform. With that being said, my post below is NEW and original! Lucky you!

For the past four months, I’ve been a part of a leadership program that explores the different aspects and components of communities and community to learn more about how each supports leadership. This month’s session centered on Arts & Culture, which I actually felt pretty comfortable with thanks to my role as Arts & Culture contributor for SaraBozich.com. Since I’ve started writing for Sara at the beginning of 2018, I’ve probably seen/attended at least 3 shows every month…mostly performances I would not usually attend if it wasn’t my “job” to. So, I felt like I had a pretty good grasp on how arts and culture strengthen our communities and all those ideas I assumed were going to be shared during the session.
During a panel discussion with three members of the local arts community, I began reflecting on how art has changed my life. Sure, I love going to the shows, concerts, performances, exhibits, etc. I cover for Sara…but it’s the fact that I’m even going there at all that has changed my life.

Like I said, I began writing for Sara in early 2018 as I was recovering (or failing to recover) from a particularly harmful and traumatic 2017. I had broken up with Jonny the year before and began dating someone else who turned out to be a completely different person than I knew him to be. We broke up, and the break was extremely painful and really rocked me to my core. As we’ve shared before, Paige and I have had a traumatic past and I had confided in this person, but in the end, he just used that pain and hurt to hurt me even more. So, this break left me shattered and I had no idea who I really was and began to hate myself and just became hot mess express.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, because it came easily to me…which I know doesn’t happen for most people. Some people are good at basketball, I am not. Some people are good at math, I am not. Some people aren’t good at writing, but I am. It’s a “skill” I’ve come to realize I’ve been very blessed to be given. So, when there was an opportunity to write and fill the free time I’ve filled with self-loathing, I took it. My world expanded through the different experiences, lifestyles, perspectives and people I was shown through the events I attended and I’ve filled my friendship network with some amazing, giving, talented, welcoming, beautiful people. I’m really thankful my writing has given me that.

But what writing has given me the most, is myself. It gave me healing. It gave me reflection. It gave me blank spaces to move forward. It gave me neutrality. It gave me a judgement free zone. It gave me a place where my weight didn’t matter. It gave me a space that was OK if I came to it with no make up on, if I came to it instead of going to the gym, if i came to it in mismatching socks. It gave me confidence. It gave me beauty. It gave me strength.

I’ve realized that I enjoy writing so much because it’s one of the only places I feel strong. I acknowledge my faults (people say I do it too much and am too self-deprecating) and know I’m not confident in very many things. But when I write, it’s one of the only things or places where I feel smart, where I feel confident, where I feel like I know 100% what I’m doing. And it turns out, that’s a really, really good feeling. I realize I have a voice, that I am allowed to have a voice, and that I am allowed to share it. I am worth being heard and listened to. I am allowed to be loud and be messy and say what I want (WITHIN REASON) and writing let’s me do that.

The fact that Sara gave me a chance to write every week still amazes me and I will always be thankful she has given me that opportunity. And the fact that Paige and I got this blog off the ground and people besides my mom and Jonny and my sister listen to me ramble amazes me even more. So to end this, I say thank you to everyone who has clicked on my posts, who has read them, who has commented, who has double-tapped my Instagram photos, who has shared a Story…you make me stronger each and every day.

Love you most,

Hope