Starting a new position, settling into a new house and making it a home and planning a wedding…2020 was already set up to be a big year. But even if I had nothing else going on or planned, 2020 was going to be a big year of celebration because my infamous Leap Year birthday was finally here before slipping away for another 4 years.
So, just to get some things straight…
I celebrate both February 28 and March 1. Technically, I wasn’t alive February 28 in 1992, but I was alive on March 1. But I feel like a February baby, so I still celebrate February 28.
Leap Year happens once every 4 years (in years divisible by 4).
I just turned 7…meaning I also turned 28.
With a birthday every four years, there is more time for reflection. And holy cow, has there been a lot to reflect on. So for my turn on Girl, Same, I’ve decided to share what I’ve learned since the last Leap Year and how I’m going to keep moving forward.
Began and ended a new relationship…but found my way back to Jonny and learned what makes a relationship work.
Jonny and I celebrated my 2016 Leap Year birthday with an epic 90s’ themed birthday party with a huge group of our friends and then spent some time scurrying around Pittsburgh taking advantage of all the free goodies I could take advantage of for being a Leap Year baby. We were so in love. He was my best friend and I just wanted to spend all my time with him and I couldn’t wait for our future life together. But a few months later, I got trapped in the “the grass is greener on the other side” way of thinking and I broke up with Jonny. I know, a terrible move. and I know, I can’t believe I’m sharing this, either. But I have to share it because it’s led me to where I am now, and back to Jonny. I did begin a new relationship, but it was was not healthy in any way whatsoever, and I was absolutely gutted when it ended. I think it was the most painful breakup I’d ever experienced, even though I had loved Jonny so much more and so differently, but I had such a distorted sense of self-value and worth in this new relationship that this breakup seemed to shatter me so much harder. And while it was not easy at all and didn’t just come to be quickly, there were some really important lessons I learned from this:
I can’t wrap my sense of being, my sense of value, my sense of worth wholly in another person. I can’t let other people determine how valuable I am.
Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Just be honest. And if you’re going to do something you’d have to lie about, then you probably shouldn’t do it.
I’m not perfect, and while Jonny does a really, really great job of making me feel like I am, I need to apologize when I fall short, when I hurt him or when I’m not pulling my weight. I need to take responsibility for me and my actions, and not expect him to do everything for me.
There can be a lot of beauty birthed and built from pain. It took a lot of really sad days, terrible dates with other people, and regret for the way things used to be, but my path of pain led me back to Jonny because I realized he is respectful, he is kind, he is accepting, he is humble, he is good. And I love everything about that.
Learned the friendship DOES end…contrary to what the Spice Girls say…
I lost some really great friends over the past 4 years due to me being a selfish, bratty asshole. I’ve tried really hard to forgive myself and make amends, but I have to accept that not everyone is going to love me and friendship ends. That’s life. I can’t treat someone poorly and expect them to swipe it under the rug because of “friendship”. You can’t just be an asshole because friends always love each other, you have to be held accountable. So I’ve been working on putting others needs before mine, acknowledging and apologizing when I make a mistake, and letting others shine, too.
Moved out on my own…and never missed a rent payment.
I know this sounds kind of dumb, but this was a big deal for me. I never really had a ton of responsibility and had mostly everything taken care of for me, so moving out on my own completely was huge. I had to learn to budget, I had to learn to be responsible, I had to learn that my parents weren’t going to swoop in and save me. For one of the first and only times in my life so far, I had to completely count on myself to make things work and to succeed. And I did. Sure, it was stressful and disappointing to realize I couldn’t just spend money on everything and anything, but it helped me grow up…which at 25, was what I needed.
Began a temporary job that has become my second home.
A few months before my 24th birthday, I quit my job to deal with severe anxiety issues, including an unhealthy relationship with food an fitness. I was fortunate enough to have the support I needed to take time off of work to get my health back in order and find a job that I really fit in at and that I enjoyed. I was pretty young, but had already experienced the dread and anxiety that comes with the realization that you’re stuck in a situation you hate. I took a temp job at HDC on a whim (after crying for 5 hours after being told I didn’t get a position I wanted with Hershey) and it turns out it was the most amazing decision I have every made. I’ve learned so much about myself while working at HDC and my life is so much more rewarding with the work and people HDC has brought me. There are so many things I’m thankful for:
I was terrified my anxiety from my last workplace was going to creep into my new job, but I literally forgot all about it my first day of work. I fit in so much better and was doing work I was passionate about. There wasn’t any room to stew or dread.
I realized I have strong communication skills and that I can use them to tell stories of hope, strength and success. I feel confident in my position because I know I can do the work…which is a great feeling.
The confidence I’ve built at work has helped me manage my anxiety and I know I am so much stronger than my negative thoughts.
I’m so thankful for what the past 4 years have taught me and I’m so excited for what the next 4 have in store….see ya in 2024!