We have always said that we would be real and honest when we decided to start girl, same.
And we knew that it was not always going to be pretty. And that what we say may not always be acceptable or appropriate to broadcast. And that it would be awkward. And that it would be taboo. But we knew this and accepted this and decided to share our lives anyways because we have the lives that we do because of the things that have happened to us. and we knew that we had a duty and responsibility to share our story to help other people. we knew sharing our stories meant more than sharing how we view our weight, how we view ourselves as friends or as a mother or how we second guess ourselves. we knew at some point, we were going to have to quit the “faux” confessions that don’t really reveal anything and hit you with the hard stuff. And now we are.
A man we were very, very close with betrayed and abused our family’s trust and violated us. And it took us a long time to realize that what was happening wasn’t normal and that we didn’t like it and that it was wrong. We were ashamed and we were scared of it. And I don’t think we realized all the other really crappy things that come from being abused. That the abuse isn’t just someone touching you. That it carries so much more damning consequences and that the sick funny thing about trauma is that the pain doesn’t stop when the abuse stops. It sticks with you and seeps into every part of your life. We saw the real inner workings of faith and the church. We saw people we depend on abandon us. We saw how the justic system works and how it can be full of loopholes and be unfair (or in our case, really wonderful and fair). We retold our stories to strangers, had to tell them every excruciating painful disgusting detail, had to tell other men how a man that was basically our father touched us. We had to put aside our teenage lives and focus on impact statements, therapy, trauma, PTSD, plea deals, sentencings instead of birthday parties and sleepovers and driving and prom and football games and innocence.
Our lives were broken, our hearts were crushed, our bodies were violated and twisted and taken and silenced and hurt and thrown away....but we healed. We held on to each other and helped each other rebuild and taped our hearts and broken parts back together while we screamed and cried and threw up and lost sleep and gained weight and stopped eating and lost sight of who we were and found it again and grew and learned how to trust again and how to be healthy and how to forgive and how to grow because the resilience that lies within your heart and soul when there is absolutely nothing left is so powerful and so redeeming that it doesn’t let you give up.
Yes, we are sharing this with the world, with people who don’t know us, with people who think we live these perfect lives, with people who may mockingly read our blog or look at our profiles. With people we met at parties or dating apps or through friends of friends of friends. With our coworkers and their friends and our neighbors and whoever else stumbled onto this page or into our lives. We are owning our story and sharing it with the world because our hearts and our souls and our spirits need to scream this and be open and need to feel this. We need to remember to continue to feel the power that comes with letting go and healing - which we have been doing for the past 12 years and continue to do - and feel the peace and power that comes with letting your story out into the world and seeing it help other people.
Our girl, same moment is heartbreaking. And we really don’t ever want anyone to say it with us in this aspect. But you can. And we will say it right back with you so loudly so you know that you are not alone and that you will get through it and that it wasn’t your fault, it will never be your fault and that it was unfair and it was wrong and you got the really shitty end of someone else’s pain and power.
So, with that being said. We are victims of abuse. We are friends of victims of abuse. We are advocates of victims of abuse. We were, they were, they are victims because it happened to us and them but more and most importantly we all are also survivors. We are friends of survivors. We are hand holders and bearhuggers and tissues for snotty noses from ugly crying and sounding boards for screaming and swearing when nice words just don’t cut it. We are sisters and friends and wives and a mother and daughters and nieces and cousins and writers and jokesters and runners and singers and bakers and so many other things than victims and survivors because yes, abuse happened to us but it has made us into every beautiful thing we are and will continue to be.
we live with this reality everyday, but it’s been thrown back in our faces even more forcefully over the past two months. We’ve been reminded that it’s been 12.5 years and the “end” may be near. Our abuser has the possibility of being released; to physically be back into our world again. To have the luxuries of living a “normal” life. He was sentenced to 12.5-25 years which seemed so long ago when we agreed to the plea deal in 2008. But it’s almost here and it doesn’t seem like it’s been long enough. How do you cram a lifetime of hurt, how do you justify gut wrenching abuse between a start and an end date? How do or how can those little black and white numbers paint the picture of our pain and hurt? The abuser is contained behind bars, but his actions have spread into every aspect of our lives, his evil has crept into our happiness. So while we are survivors, we will also be warriors and continue to fight for justice, strength and healing for another 12 years. We will be tenacious and determined; outspoken and powerful; persistent and unfaltering so we can prevent this Girl, Same moment from happening again.
We love you and we thank you for listening.
Hope and Paige
