I shared this post on my social media earlier this year but it’s something - the feelings, the expression, the emotion, the accomplishment, the strength - that I’m still really proud of and it’s a good reminder I like to check-in with when I need to feel grounded or reaffirm my confidence.
Earlier this year, I finally, finally, finally let go of a search for closure and redemption and forgiveness by finally realizing a certain person’s (who REALLY REALLY REALLY hurt me, like majorly messed me up!!!!) view on me does not determine or dictate who I am. That the hurt they caused me will yes, always be there, but there are so many things about myself that scream so loudly, the hurt will be silenced because They. Don’t. Matter.
When I realized I would have to see this person for this first time since they hurt me, I panicked. But one of my coworkers said to me “you’re doing so well, you are nothing that that person said you were, you are more. You’re awesome, you wear hoop earrings now.” And I didn’t realize how loaded that statement was.
I wear hoop earrings now because I don’t care that someone thought they were trashy and asked me not to wear them. I wear hoop earrings now because I no longer care what someone 2 years ago thought about me. I wear hoop earrings because that was a small part of my life and that someone’s darkness and brokenness and drive to bring me down is gone with him and will not be carried around with me anymore. I wear hoop earrings now and I eat cheeseburgers and drink beer even if I didn’t spend the morning in the gym because food is meant to warm your soul and your belly and a good beer tastes better than any I restriction I put on myself so I could buy a size 0 in jeans and finally feel like I’m beautiful.
I wear hoop earrings now and have stopped restricting myself to taking up such little space because my soul and heart and the things that make me beautiful are big and bold and can’t be contained in one little quiet box in the corner.
I wear hoop earrings now and know that I’m allowed to be here, I’m allowed to be loud, and my body is allowed to take up space - no matter the size because that is who I am. I wear hoop earrings because I am beautiful and smart and a hard worker and determined and genuine even if a certain person doesn’t think I am. I wear hoop earrings now and I don’t spend hours crying on the couch because I wouldn’t dim my light and I let myself shine when I was proud of myself. I wear hoop earrings now and I’ve let go of that search for validation or an ounce apology from someone who felt no remorse from hurting me. I wear hoop earrings now and I’ve realized that not everyone has to like me, but I need to like myself - and when I let myself love and laugh and give selflessly and smile and be listened to and be confident, that is where I shine. I wear hoop earrings now and I know love is respect in all forms and on both sides and that truly good, pure hearts (Jonny) exist and I am capable of being loved by them and I deserve it, too. I wear hoop earrings now because I can and I will and I want to.
So, go throw on your hoops and take up space and be loud (or quiet if that’s your thing) and do whatever you want to because you deserve to.
Love you most,
Hope