Who You Gonna Call....

 Disclaimer: I wrote this within the first months of marriage. It’s so weird how we have gotten into a grove and figured out our own way of decision making.

Enjoy this oldie!

Who you gonna call….?

Decision making. Something that all couples face. I mean, even my husband knows me well enough that it will take me over a half hour to decided what and where I want to eat. And my husband also knows that if he asked if we should get a puppy that I would say yes in a heartbeat. But unfortunately all the toughest decisions that a couple will make will not be whether to get sushi or pizza, a yellow lab or an akita. And btw, I would 7 out of 10 times pick sushi because I can never pass on a good salmon avocado roll and miso soup.

Adulting is Real

And so we are left with the true difficult decisions that occur more than we’d like. Finances, kids, family, jobs, and all other things that couples make decisions on. Ahh gotta love adulting. Being able to have a cold brew or dry red wine is the only perk there is when you have to adult. 

Calling the “Coop”

When I got married and moved out of my parent’s house I soon learned what real adulting was like. In the past, whenever I had to make a difficult decision, I would turn to my parents for advice. I valued their thoughts and it was always good advice that they gave. But, when the decision was more of a decision that a couple needs to make, consulting your parents first isn’t always the best way to go. That was and still is a lesson that I learned and am still learning.  

Hubbies Come First

When you consult your parents first it can be portrayed as undervaluing your partner. My hubby requests that I start going to him first for advice on what we should do because ultimately the decision will affect both of us in the end. Doesn’t mean you can’t still consult your parents for advice, it just means that it’s important to show that you care about what your partner thinks. We will still consult our parents because they have much more experience of life than we do, we will just switch the order of when we consult them.

1, 2, 3 team!

There will be future blogs that will go a little more in depth about decision making but there is one main thing that I wanted to get across other than yes, adulting sucks. This is to first consult the person you go to bed with every night when making decisions. It is new to me but I know that my husband appreciates it and it shows that I value his advice, input, and most importantly, him.

Written: February 2018

Happy NewYearNovember

DISCLAIMER: Another oldie but goodie because November has and always will hold a special place in my heart. i shared this a year ago but it still rings so, so true today.

it’s finally november. so many people are looking forward to the beginning of the holidays, of time with their families and friends, of time off to relax and rest. it’s a season of thanks and a chance to reflect on the things we have, what we’ve done, what we want to do. it’s a little reminder that there is just a little bit of the year left, and a new one will be here soon.

for me, november is all those things but also kind of the start of a new year for my life. it’s the signal of a new season, a season of change. within the past 10 years of my life, several life changing events have fallen in november.

ten years ago, a man my family was very close with, a man i saw as a second father was sentenced to 12 years in prison for terrible, awful, disgusting crimes against my family and my friends. he had stolen so much innocence, faith and light from so many people but was finally going to be stopped from hurting any other girls. my family and my friends were devastated. we were broken and lost and shattered...but we rebuilt. we moved on. we changed. we found a new strength inside of us, a fire that has motivated us to live beautifully and fearlessly, to help and encourage others and to champion for those who cannot, or are too scared to do that for themselves. november 2008 changed my life.

november 2011 found me as a sophomore in college. i was doing just fine, happy and growing and moving forward. i kept the events that had happened at home to myself, not out of shame, but as a chance to have a new start and identity where i wasn’t associated with such darkness and pain. i had rebuilt, i had moved on. i was fine. then another man came and set fire to all my progress. the news of sandusky’s abuse broke and my world shattered again. i had set my pain in the back of the closet, tied up with a pretty bow to never see again. but the box was thrown at me and all that pain seeped out again. everyone knew who i was. i was surrounded again by such ugliness and darkness, all because of someone’s actions (and the following ripples he had made.) my heart broke again and again for other victims. for the pain they went through, for the shame they carried, for the enemies they were now facing. but, they rebuilt. they moved on. they changed. and i would do the same.

november 2015 found me older, but not necessarily wiser or stronger. i was in a similar place of darkness and pain, only this time, the enemy was myself. my mind was sick, it needed help. it turned me against myself and the only tools i had we’re controlling what i ate or how many hours I exhausted myself with exercise. it was a constant evil cheerleader, chanting “YOU ARE FAT!”, “YOU ARE UGLY”, “YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL”. i gave into my own darkness and was beginning to self-destruct, but i rebuilt. i moved on. i changed.

those three novembers have made me who i am today and for that, i am thankful. darkness has a way of making you appreciate the light in your life, because the light seems to shine so much brighter.

i’m not sure where exactly this november finds me, or where it will lead me. but what i do know is that i am happy, i am loved, i am supported, i am healthy (though i struggle), i am resilient, i am a champion, i am a friend, i am forgiven and no matter what happens, i am rebuilding, i am moving on, i am changing.

thank you to everyone who has helped me rebuild and move on and change. you are my novembers and i am thankful for you.

Hoops With Hope

I shared this post on my social media earlier this year but it’s something - the feelings, the expression, the emotion, the accomplishment, the strength - that I’m still really proud of and it’s a good reminder I like to check-in with when I need to feel grounded or reaffirm my confidence.

Earlier this year, I finally, finally, finally let go of a search for closure and redemption and forgiveness by finally realizing a certain person’s (who REALLY REALLY REALLY hurt me, like majorly messed me up!!!!) view on me does not determine or dictate who I am. That the hurt they caused me will yes, always be there, but there are so many things about myself that scream so loudly, the hurt will be silenced because They. Don’t. Matter. 

When I realized I would have to see this person for this first time since they hurt me, I panicked. But one of my coworkers said to me “you’re doing so well, you are nothing that that person said you were, you are more. You’re awesome, you wear hoop earrings now.” And I didn’t realize how loaded that statement was. 

I wear hoop earrings now because I don’t care that someone thought they were trashy and asked me not to wear them. I wear hoop earrings now because I no longer care what someone 2 years ago thought about me. I wear hoop earrings because that was a small part of my life and that someone’s darkness and brokenness and drive to bring me down is gone with him and will not be carried around with me anymore. I wear hoop earrings now and I eat cheeseburgers and drink beer even if I didn’t spend the morning in the gym because food is meant to warm your soul and your belly and a good beer tastes better than any I restriction I put on myself so I could buy a size 0 in jeans and finally feel like I’m beautiful.

I wear hoop earrings now and have stopped restricting myself to taking up such little space because my soul and heart and the things that make me beautiful are big and bold and can’t be contained in one little quiet box in the corner.

I wear hoop earrings now and know that I’m allowed to be here, I’m allowed to be loud, and my body is allowed to take up space - no matter the size because that is who I am. I wear hoop earrings because I am beautiful and smart and a hard worker and determined and genuine even if a certain person doesn’t think I am. I wear hoop earrings now and I don’t spend hours crying on the couch because I wouldn’t dim my light and I let myself shine when I was proud of myself. I wear hoop earrings now and I’ve let go of that search for validation or an ounce apology from someone who felt no remorse from hurting me. I wear hoop earrings now and I’ve realized that not everyone has to like me, but I need to like myself - and when I let myself love and laugh and give selflessly and smile and be listened to and be confident, that is where I shine. I wear hoop earrings now and I know love is respect in all forms and on both sides and that truly good, pure hearts (Jonny) exist and I am capable of being loved by them and I deserve it, too. I wear hoop earrings now because I can and I will and I want to. 

So, go throw on your hoops and take up space and be loud (or quiet if that’s your thing) and do whatever you want to because you deserve to.

Love you most,

Hope